Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Tuesday Trainwreck - Straight Up Now Kill Me

We haven't had a music post in a while, so when I saw this title on the new release list, I knew this had trainwreck written all over it. See, someone decided that America needed to be reminded that Paula Abdul was at one time a successful musician, instead of the drugged-up hack she is today. What that person didn't realize is that we didn't forget about Paula's career by accident - we chose to forget. But now, we're all painfully reminded with the release of Paula Abdul Greatest Hits - Straight Up!:

Now I could turn this article into a rant about why American Idol is slowly killing our society, but instead, I'll just stick to the CD. There's no doubt that at one point in time, Paula was popular. Hell, even I listened to some of her music for a brief period back in 1990 (I had a troubled childhood). But those days are long gone, and for good reason - the music, much like the musician, has not aged well.

Like many greatest hits albums before it, this one follows the formula of five or six decent older songs, and then a dozen "newer" tracks which are invariably craptacular. But even the decent songs aren't really worth revisiting. While there aren't exactly a ton of great artists on the scene right now, there are enough to keep your attention from things that are better left in the past.

And don't even get me started on Paula - this is a chick with problems. I don't know, maybe those Idol paychecks are starting to bounce, and she needs some quick cash to keep the Vicodin supply topped off. Honestly though, the reason for this release doesn't matter. All that matters is that you stay away...far away.

If you're looking for some tunes to get you through the month, check out the new Maroon 5 album, or even the Spiderman 3 soundtrack - both are better investments than Paula. Remember, if you buy her CD, you're giving her drug money, and that makes you an enabler. You don't want to be part of the problem, do you? Of course not. Be part of the solution, and just say no to crappy music.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by your friends at the Atomic Playground.

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