Tuesday Trainwreck - The Only Thing Evil About This Movie Is That They're Charging For It

What's this - two Trainwrecks in a row? That's right. Due to our MIA status last week, I mentioned that some double features were in order. So here we are, second round. This is a great opportunity, since we can explore the worst from both video games and DVDs. We've already covered the trash that is the Rise of the Silver Surfer game, so let's move on to some craptacular cinema - Primeval:

Let's jump right into the plot. Don't worry - the water's shallow. This movie is based on the true story of a 23 foot long man-eating crocodile. Essentially, we follow a news crew that travels to the African jungles. Their mission is to catch the creature on tape, and maybe even capture this beast, to exploit him and make some money. These are American journalists, after all. Now, what a news crew knows about hunting or croc wrangling, I'll never know. Maybe they watched Crocodile Dundee before they left.

Anyway, it turns out they're not the only ones hunting in this jungle - the croc, known by the locals as "Gustave" (strikes fear in your heart, doesn't it?), is fixing to make our crack team of heroes his main course. There's a lot of back of forth with this, and the team has a bunch of encounters with the croc. Oh, and there's also a civil war going on too. I don't think this movie was sponsored by the African Board of Tourism.

In the end, Gustave eats a bunch of people, and we all have a good laugh at the fact that this is the career that Dominic Purcell made out of his Prison Break fame. Good times.

To be fair, there's a lot of action in this movie, and I wouldn't throw Brooke Langton out of bed. Until I was done with her, at least. But the plot is just too weak to get you really involved in the movie. This is the kind of thing you watch on HBO at 2 a.m. when nothing else is on - assuming you haven't already cancelled your subscription. So find something better to spend your drug money on - like drugs.

Tuesday Trainwreck - Not Nearly As Fantastic As You Hoped

I'm just going to come right out and say it - movie tie-in games suck. It started with the E.T. game for the Atari some 25 years ago, and until people stop shelling out their hard earned cash for this crap, it'll never end. That's what brings us to Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer:

Now you'll notice from the box art that I've singled out the Xbox 360 version of the game. I thought of making it more generic, since honestly, this Trainwreck applies to all versions, but I decided to leave it in to prove a point. Some people are going to buy this game because they're FF nuts, and there's nothing I can do about that. But, I may be able to stop them from shelling out a full $60 for this title, and instead convince them that parting with only $40 for the PS2 is somewhat less painful. For the rest - just avoid the game on all platforms.

Movie games are essentially doomed right from the beginning. They have less development time, the designers working on the game are usually not the pick of the litter, and the story is somewhat closed, since it usually has to relate to the movie in some way. Also, the game is usually designed from the most basic perspective possible, to make it easier to port to every console, portable, and cell phone on the market. All those factors add up to a game that just doesn't cut the mustard.

In all honesty, I'm not even sure why this movie was made. I'm a FF fan, no doubt, and I was excited about the first movie, but like most I considered it a letdown. As far as this sequel is concerned, I'll definitely see it, but I don't have high hopes. And if the movie is going to be bad, you can only imagine what kind of a disaster the game must be.

If you're going to spend money on anything relating to FF, go see the movie. The special effects should be outstanding - especially the Surfer - and Jessica Alba is a stone hottie. But even 360 graphics don't do her justice. Marvin and Tammi said it best - "Ain't nothing like the real thing".

You Got Apple In My Windows!

So let's say you're a PC guy, but you've kind of got a thing for Steve Jobs. It's okay. I don't swing from that side of the plate myself, but there's nothing wrong with having a man crush. *cough*Gay*cough* Excuse me.

So what's a boy to do? Abandon the PC world entirely and become a loyal Mac user? Hell no. Are you crazy? Instead, just grab enough Apple gear to make you feel hip and trendy, and to bring you a step closer to your personal lord and savior, the turtle-necked one. But until now, that gear has been few and far between. Sure, you can snatch up an iPod with all the trimmings, and there's iTunes and QuickTime - does anyone on a PC use QT? - but what about the basics, like a browser? Well, rejoice - your time has come.

In his infinite wisdom, Jobs has decided to take on MS in their own backyard. That's right - you can now get Safari, Apple's home-grown browser, for XP and Vista (in beta form, for now). No more must you suffer with regular IE and Firefox offerings - now you can browse like an Apple god.

For anyone who's used Safari on the Mac, you know that it's a very good piece of software. It's certainly the browser of choice on OS X, but I think that's because many Mac users probably haven't given Firefox a fair shake. Still, it'll be interesting to see if Apple can make a dent in the Windows browser market.

Historically, Apple has had little reason to compete in the Windows arena. They've always been more focused on bringing users over to their own walled garden, as opposed to venturing out and sharing their goods with others. That's part of the reason I've never been a Mac fan - that and the fact that the machines seem too simplistic. I mean, why can't they just put a damn eject button on the front of the box? I'm sure they could design a nice touch-sensitive button that would look great and add $100 to the selling price of the rig. But this is a topic for another article.

You can grab the beta here, with or without QT bundled (go without). Who knows - maybe a little Apple is just what Windows needs to spice things up a bit.

We Built This Famicom On A Ton Of Games

Some people have way too much time on their hands. The above video is proof of that - it's a compilation of title screens for every game released on the Famicom (the Japanese version of the NES), in chronological order of release, and set to one hell of a tune. And you thought you knew a lot about import video games...

CBS Now Resumes Your Coverage Of World War III

The TV viewing audience is a vocal bunch. When something pisses them off, they tend to raise a little hell about it. Sometimes that's a bad thing. I mean, be honest - in retrospect, was another season or two of Roswell really a good idea? But sometimes, the crazy viewers who won't take no for an answer get it right. And that was the case with Jericho.

For those of you that haven't been acquainted, Jericho tells the tale about a town struggling for survival in a post-apocalyptic America. It's a powerful premise, and something that hasn't really been seen on TV before. So, as expected, it generated a lot of pre-season buzz last fall. Whether the show lived up to that buzz, however, is a matter of opinion.

The show started fairly strong - the premise was enough to hook most people. Unfortunately, it got a little sappy around mid-season, and some viewers started to lose interest. That's too bad, because despite the down-turn in action, the writing and acting were still top notch. However, that change isn't what caused the most significant loss in viewers - the three month hiatus took care of that.

In their infinite wisdom, the CBS execs decided that they wouldn't "over saturate" the public with too much Jericho. So, instead of airing the series between the months of December through February, they aired crappy specials, mid-season junk, and cheap reality TV in its place. When Jericho finally returned, many viewers had lost track of the show, and just didn't get back into it. The worst part? The final episodes of the season were some of the best. Each show was filled with real tension and serious issues that kept you wanting more. This was truly the best show of the season that no one was watching.

As a result of the lackluster ratings for the second half of the year, CBS canned the show just before announcing this year's fall lineup. But the Jericho faithful held strong, and to show their support, sent nuts to the CBS offices (because they were nuts to cancel the show - get it?). And, much like it did for the original Star Trek series back in 1967, the campaign worked. Earlier this week, CBS officially announced that Jericho would return as a mid-season replacement due to the support of the viewers.

This is good news for a deserving TV show. In this day and age, good TV is hard to find. But Jericho consistently delivers. Look for this one when it returns for season 2. And if you missed any of season 1, consider picking up the DVD box set when it's released, probably later this year.

As a grateful viewer, thanks to everyone that helped to bring back one of my favorite shows of the season. Now if we could just kill that stupid Heroes spin-off scheduled for next season...

Note - Speaking of returning from the dead, some of you may have noticed a distinct lack of posts on the Playground this week. This was not a planned absence, but sometimes, recess does get cancelled. I'm happy to report that the troubles are over, however, and things should return to normal first thing next week. We're already planning some double features to make up for the lack of them this week, so don't worry - the kidd always delivers. Thanks for hanging in.

I Want My Wii Lightsaber!

As soon as the Wiimote was revealed, one word sprang into every sci-fi geeks mind - lightsaber. It was so obvious - if the controller can be held as a bat, or a tennis racket, then there's no reason it couldn't be held as a lightsaber. Hell, it's so obvious that they should have had a launch game for it. But for months now, we've heard the sound of silence on this topic, instead of the gentle hum of the Jedi weapon of choice.

Finally, it seems that someone is chiming in on the topic. In an article published over on Fin24, the head of LucasArts stated that "a Wii game that lets players wield virtual light sabers is on the horizon". All I can say is, it damn well better be.

There are no details on the game itself, so allow me to offer a few ideas. It should not be a "traditional" Star Wars game. I don't care about flying the Millennium Falcon with the Wiimote. I don't want to guide some no-name Jedi on a quest to find some crystals. This game should be a straight-up lightsaber fighting game, Mortal Kombat style. Include everyone who's ever used a lightsaber - Luke, Vader, Maul, Obi-Wan - and make them all playable. Make it tournament style, and include online multiplayer. And that's it. Do that, and you'll make a ton of money.

Please LucasArts, don't let us down like you have so many times in the past. Just make it good, and make it quick - my Wii is collecting dust faster than my PS3, and that thing is a dust magnet.

You Can't Work Your Stick In This Car

Anyone that's ever driven in a Jaguar knows that they have one of the stupidest transmission selectors in the world - the "J-Gate". It's big, it's clunky, and it's a total pain to use. So, when word got out that the company was finally doing away with it, people were excited. Now we see what the replacement is, and people are...confused. That's a good word for it.

Pictured above is Jag's new selector. As you can see, it's no longer a stick, but a knob of some kind. While Jag has yet to make an official announcement on how it works, the popular theory is that you simply turn it to select a gear. Makes sense, but damn if it's not weird looking.

The cool part of the setup are the concentric rings around the knob. When the car is turned off, the rings rise up flat with the knob, creating an aluminum "panel" of sorts and preventing the knob from being turned. Then, when you start the car again, the rings drop down, restoring access to the selector.

The whole setup is somewhat futuristic. When was the last time you saw this on a car? Never, that's when. But at the same time, it's somewhat nostalgic. The whole thing is reminiscent of the 1982 flick Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan, since it's the same control seen on the fictional "Genesis Device" in the movie. As far as I know, there have been no marketing tie ins yet, but Ricardo Montalban is reportedly available for work.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go polish my knob.

Friday Freebie - A New Way To Get Your Spam On

So you're not that into the webmail scene. It's cool, I hear ya. There's a lot to be said for "old fashioned", pop3 email accounts. But most pop3 users are still messing with Outlook Express, since that's what their ISP had them install to setup the account. And don't get me wrong - OE is a decent program, if not a little bloated, buggy, and unstable. You do have alternatives, though, and one of them is Thunderbird:

From Mozilla, the same folks that brought you Firefox, Thunderbird is a free email client for your PC or Mac. It features all the basic things you've come to expect from an email client, such as tagging, searching, message templates, signatures - it's all there. Plus, it's a small, streamlined piece of software, so you can load it fast and work quickly.

Now let's say you have both a pop3 and a Gmail account, as most of us do. Thunderbird has you covered there as well. It has the ability to access both pop3 and webmail services, so you can view all your messages through a single interface. No more bouncing between programs just to send pictures of your kid to everyone in the universe.

Migrating between email clients can be a bit of a pain, so make sure you give this program a run through before you decide to officially make the switch. But this is definitely worth your time, so go grab the download right now. Then send me an email to let me know what you think, but don't include pictures of your kid. I only accept pics of funny cats and naked ladies.