Doesn't George Lucas Have Enough Money?

Star Wars has been feeling kind of left out lately. These days, all the talk is about cool new video games and weird internet related crap. The force has grown weak, and the galaxy far, far away seems even farther than ever. Luckily, it's the U.S. Postal Service to the rescue! Strong with the force, the Postmaster General is. (I don't know the Postmaster General's name, and neither do you - let's call him Obi-Wan just for the hell of it.)

Sensing this weakening in the force, Obi-Wan called George Lucas before the intergalactic senate. Hearings were held, and a treaty formed that would guarantee a resurgence in the force. It called for the Trade Federation to suspend the use of their current postal designations, in favor of special limited edition Star Wars stamps. George got a truckload of money for his troubles, and Obi-Wan was hailed as a hero throughout the universe for restoring the force.

Now you can do your part to strengthen the force. Go to the official Jedi Master website to vote on your favorite stamps, and then go buy them when they drop on May 25. It'll probably be the first time some of you actually step foot inside a post office. And probably the last, at least until the limited, exclusive, legendary, collector Star Wars stamp set comes out two weeks later. And don't forget about the special edition DVD featuring footage of the thrilling treaty negotiations between Lucas and Obi-Wan. Oh, and the collectors edition glasses from Burger King signifying the 20 day anniversary of the signing of the treaty. Okay, that's enough of that...

Seriously, is there anything that George Lucas can't make money off of? This guy could market Star Wars toilet paper and he'd make a bundle. Oh wait, there is one thing he's not so good at. Prequels. Actually, I guess that would be three things. Let the flaming begin!

Friday Freebie - No Glove, No (Internet) Love

When you surf a webpage, you're surfing every page that the page you're on has been with. And you don't know where that page has been. Maybe it's sold itself to the highest advertising bidder. Do you want that kind of filth in your system? Of course not. That's why you need to protect yourself against viruses and ITDs (internet transmitted diseases). So wrap your Dell at all times...with anti-virus software.

Every computer today should be running some type of virus scanner. Most new PCs come bundled with a version of Norton or McAfee, for all the good they do. But once the free trial expires, you're left holding the bag. Well not anymore, thanks to AVG Free:



Believe it or not, there is reliable, dependable, free anti-virus software available, and you're looking at one of the best. This bad boys offers real-time scanning of your files and email, as well as full system scans. Plus, you get regular free updates to keep all the scary new viruses away.

But viruses don't just come from the net. You can get them whenever you have contact with another piece of hardware - flash drives, CDs - you get the point. So even if you're not out cruising the interwebs night and day, good virus protection is still a must.

So don't live with that burning sensation anymore. Go get you some AVG Free (downloads here), and surf with the confidence that you're protected. But hey, be smart. Just because a site tells you you're the first visitor doesn't mean that other users haven't logged on, and off, before you.

An Ipod It Ain't

Apple is one of those companies that you either love or hate. They have die-hard fans that will defend them to the end, and harsh critics that wouldn't piss on Steve Jobs if he were on fire. But, no one can deny the fact that they put out some nice looking products.

This weekend finally saw the release of Apple TV, once known as iTV. The box, originally promised to be released in February, quietly went on sale at Apple stores across the nation and on the website, and the Apple faithful started snatching them up like they are the second coming. But looks aside, just how useful is this thing anyway?

Before purchasing this box, you need to ask yourself a few things. Do you use iTunes religiously, purchasing both music and movies, and shun all other online services? Do you like having only a few options available to you (the as simple as possible approach)? Is Apple white your favorite color? Do you wish you had a black turtleneck collection? Answer no to any of the above, and this thing is a pass.

Apple TV is essentially just an extension of iTunes. To use it, you must have iTunes running on a computer at all times, and you must have your entire library of music and movies accessible to it, which means that if iTunes won't play it, Apple TV won't play it. Also, you have to have a widescreen TV to use this. Despite that, the HDTV support is fairly limited right now, as all the movies on the iTunes store are optimized for the video iPod. I'm sure that will change in time, but for now, you're limited to grainy movies and a few trailers.

The interface is slick, but simple - power tweakers need not apply. Of course, that isn't Apple's target audience. They're looking to get Joe Sixpack to purchase this device, and to that end, they've managed to make something that's accessible to just about anyone that can configure a home network.

My verdict? Do you really care? Odds are you've already made up your mind on this box, perhaps on hype alone. The truth is, this is a decent unit, but for the price, you're not getting much. I'd say wait for the Netgear Digital Entertainer if you're looking for more flexibility and support, or an Xbox 360/MCE combo if you like a somewhat "walled garden", but are itching for some HD content now. In the end though, it all comes down to one question - are you a Mac guy, or a PC guy?

Tuesday Trainwreck - Go Master Someone Else's Universe

It's Tuesday, and you all know what that means - it's time for a new round of movie, music, and video game releases. So, we here at the Atomic Playground (and by we, I mean me) have decided to start a new feature. No, we're not going to tell you the best new release to spend your hard stolen money on. There are plenty of other, more reputable sites that are willing to do that. Instead, we're going to tell you which one to avoid like the plague. That's right - every week, we'll tell you which piece of trash to pass on, so you can put your cash toward more useful things like smokes and that shampoo to get rid of those crabs. May I present, the Tuesday Trainwreck:

Everyone remembers He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, right? It was a hell of a show. In fact, when I was about four, it was probably my favorite show. Sure, the characters were stupid and the plots as thin as Kate Moss (zing!), but it was a fun show. So why did it get the crown in the first ever Tuesday Trainwreck? See, this is not the original He-Man. This is The New Adventures of He-Man. Yes - the gay one.

At some point, a few big wig execs decided there was still money left in the franchise, and that the defender of Grayskull just need a fresh new image. Enter new He-Man. He's fab-u-lous. What had been a trippy-fun cartoon in the original incarnation just became a lame attempt to push product. These shows were little more than a half hour commercial for an action figure no one wanted. Basically, there were no redeeming qualities at all.

This is Vol. 2 of the DVD release - Vol. 1 came out a few months back. For those of you that were suckered into buying it, you have my condolences. Don't make the same mistake twice with Vol. 2, just to be a completist. Trust me, it's not worth it. Instead, wait for the release of the Cartoon Network series that ran about 6 or 7 years ago. It was actually a decent modern interpretation of the old cartoon, and only suffered due to the lack of marketing knowledge by the folks at Mattel. If anyone can drive a franchise into the ground, it's them.

So Skeletor junkies, resist the temptation and just pop in a DVD from one of the old box sets. You'll enjoy the half hour much more.

News Flash! The PS3 Is A Video Game Console (In Europe, At Least)

Apparently, Europeans aren't satisfied with Sony simply producing a device for consumers to watch movies on. Oh no, they insist on having their Blu-Ray players play games as well. Talk about snooty. Wait, you're telling me that U.S. PS3's play games too? Wow. Here I thought it was just a movie player with a weird looking remote.

It's sad to say, but Sony has finally acknowledged, in a round about way, the fact that the PS3 gaming catalog S-U-C-K-S. Aside from a couple decent titles - Resistance and MotorStorm (a couple is two, after all) - there's no fun to be had. And so, faced with a European launch, Sony did the only thing that it could do. They pitched the damn console as a movie player, that just happens to play games. Oh, how the mighty PlayStation has fallen.

There used to be a time in the world when the PlayStation meant something about games, and not just poor business models. There was a time when video game nerds would proudly proclaim ownership of a PlayStation console to their fellow nerds. But now, that time is no more. PS3 owners hide in the shadows, weeping, and hoping for a day when their overpriced console will deliver on the dreams promised at E3 so many years ago.

When will that time be? I don't know - how long until God of War 3 is released? Or Gran Turismo 5? Or Killzone? It's all just a waiting game. So for the time being, you'll just have to enjoy that BR copy of Casino Royale, and imagine what could be...

No PS3s For The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys

You've got to start feeling bad for Sony at some point. Sure, they made their own bed with this whole PS3 disaster, but nothing seems to go their way. Case in point - the PS3 finally launched in Europe this week, and it went badly. Really badly. As in, no one even bothered to show up badly.

The worst turnout appears to have been in France. I say "appears" because I can't read all the websites that are in french to confirm, but the photos paint a pretty clear picture. Basically, Sony was left with thousands of consoles unsold due to the outrageously high price that the PS3 is commanding in Europe (around $850 USD).

Should this even be news though? I mean, is anyone really surprised by this? First, Sony disses Europe by dropping them from the worldwide launch. Second, they announce an enormous price for the console, and the lack of a "low-end" version (the 20 GB model is not currently offered in Europe). And last, they yank the chip that allows for full backwards compatibility. Did anyone expect this to go well?

Sony needs to remember that success doesn't just mean Asia and the Americas. Those Euros have a pretty good exchange rate. I think it's time for Sony to start giving people their money's worth. And just a quick note to Kutaragi - that doesn't mean bundling a can of deodorant in with every PS3 sold in France. Yes, we all know that they need it, but something tells me it wouldn't go over very well.

Turtles Make Great Pets. Ninjas, Not So Much...

Everybody loves turtles. Those little green guys are nature's underachievers. Sure, they're slow and not too bright, but they're so darn cute! That is, until they grow up and become pizza eating teenagers. Then the cuteness fades, and they get tossed down a sewer drain. For most turtles, that would be the end. But for four lucky green dudes, it was just the beginning. And they would be the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Now this was a hell of a concept...15 years ago. Fast forward to today, and the concept has been resurrected in a film that opened this weekend. Yes, everyone's favorite surfer dude turtles are back for more kung-fu action against the Foot clan. Between pizza breaks and poor catch phrases, of course.

The film is done entirely in CGI, so those of you having flashbacks to the live-action films from the 90's need not worry. It's also supposed to be a "darker" flick, geared more toward the adult audience that remembers the turtles from way back when. Still, was anyone clamouring for this project? The turtles were great in their heyday, but much like the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, their ship has sailed.

I'm not saying that this is bad movie. If you're a big TMNT fan, it's worth seeing on the big screen. But for the casual fans, it's probably best to just rent the DVD. And beyond that...well, that's the problem with this movie. If you weren't a fan of the franchise before, you're probably not going to see this film. It's just not the type of property that will draw in newcomers.

It's nice to see Hollywood branching out and bringing back old franchises that deserve another go at the big screen (like the upcoming Transformers movie), but not every property needs that treatment. Next thing you know, they'll be making another Inspector Gadget movie. I'm sure Matthew Broderick could use the work...

Friday Freebie - So Much Gaming Fun, You'll Party Like It's 1982

For most of this generation, 1982 seems like the stone age. There were no cell phones, no DVD players, and the PC was basically in no way related to the rigs that fill our houses these days. There were still plenty of computer games to enjoy though. But like that early hardware, the software was also in no way related to the games of today. Of course, no one knew what they were missing, so we all had fun.

Most of the games were text based, with little to no graphics. Instead, the games had actual story lines that made you want to play - what a concept. One such game was Taipan. In it, you play the part of a trader in the orient in the 19th century. Your job is to travel to different ports, buy and sell goods, and fight off or evade the pirates. And now the game lives again on your modern PC:

Yes, all the fun of 19th century commerce is available for your Windows rig. You think WOW is a game, wait until you play this! Then you'll appreciate WOW even more...

Seriously, for those of you old enough to remember this game, it's worth the download. Just playing it takes you 25 years back in time, when games were simple and fun. Hell, I still remember the first time I played Taipan, on an Apple IIe in a friend's basement. Sure, the graphics were terrible and the sound was non-existent, but it was a blast. And that's what gaming should be about.

The game is faithfully reproduced, down to the original moneylender bug in the original, where you earn extra interest. Of course, you can disable the bug if you consider that kind of thing cheating. You can also choose to start the game as in the original version, with no cannons, or with some cannons but no debt.

Go grab yourself a copy of the game here. It's a journey back in time that's worth the trip...if only for a little while.